Chapter 11-The Missing Winky

From the sound of one hand clapping to defining our very existence, philosophers have pondered life’s greatest questions for millennia.

But few share a toddler’s sense of urgency when it comes to a desire for answers. And I’ll wager even fewer are chewing on a Shreddie while pulling at their mother’s pyjamas.

“Mummy, where’s your winky gone?”

It is 7am on a Sunday. I have the radio on in the hope that someone else is also awake, and had been wondering if Clare Balding pre-recorded her show or was, like me, up Very Early Indeed. I was anticipating a coffee and toast in front of Mike the Knight, but I am now embroiled in an interrogation, as unexpected as it is alarming.

“Umm, I don’t have a winky Raffie. Daddy and Raffie do, but not Mummy.”

“Why?”

And so the day has finally arrived. Mr Why has been staring through the window every now and then for a while. Peeking through the letterbox. Poking his head round the door. Now he’s let himself in, trudged mud into the carpet, and is busy getting his feet under the table. And I won’t be putting out the bunting.

As soon as Raffie started asking ‘What’s that?’ I’ve been expecting Mr Why’s calling card. But naively I thought he may have given me a year’s grace, primarily so I could amass and retain vast amounts of information.

Flour and sugar provide a welcome distraction from Mr Why.

Flour and sugar provide a welcome distraction from Mr Why. And some thinking time for awkward questions!

With nowhere to hide, I could only reply, “Well Mummies’ bodies are different to Daddies. Girls don’t have a winky. You’re a boy aren’t you?”

“Yes Mummy.”

“Am I a girl?”

“Yes.”

“Well girls don’t have winkies.”

“Oh. Never mind Mummy, never mind.”

“Thank you Raffie.”

And with that, I have dodged a winky bullet for another day. But that day will soon come again, so any toddler proof explanations will be gratefully received.

And it’s led me to consider some questions of my own. I never thought I would share anything with a philosopher, but it turns out Socrates and I have something in common, in that I know one thing, and that is I know nothing, especially when it comes to Mr Why.

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22 thoughts on “Chapter 11-The Missing Winky

  1. I have been having to answer this ‘willy’ question for a while and unfortunately through us referring to his nappy cream as ‘bum cream’ I now get the ‘have you just got a bum?’ question following the ‘no I haven’t got a willy’ answer! I have been up since 5.15 am today…doesn’t happen too often but it has happened today…

  2. Ah …I’ve had this one! And wait until Mr Why meets Miss Thats-Mine! Then the fun really starts . I’ve had Missy in terrible tears saying – ‘that’s my Willy!’ pointing at her own bits, when her brothers told her she doesn’t. ! It’s nothing Freudian , just the massive toddler instinct to own everything !

    • Thanks so much for getting in touch! He’s still asking, I don’t think I’m answering it too well at the moment-but it’s quite sweet as he keeps telling me not to worry about it! x

  3. Haha, love this. I’m going through much the same thing at present. My son is very confused about what happened to mine, as if I had one in the first place. He does however seem to have passed the ‘why’ question and gone for the slightly more complicated ‘where does this come from?’ I found myself looking up melons on google the other day because I seriously didn’t know how they grew.

    So, good luck in your search for why. Maybe we will learn a few things ourselves along the way 🙂

    • Hello Debra, thanks so much for your message. Yes Raffie also seems to think I had one in the first place oddly! And I know exactly what you mean, I am having to find out about things too so we are both learning new things. Lovely to hear from you, and hope you find some answers as well!

  4. This made me laugh and I’m reminded that there are some positives to being non-verbal, no Mr Why for us for a while yet lol. I think you handled it very well, I have no idea what I would have said.

    Thanks for linking up with Small Steps Amazing Achievements :0)
    x

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